You don’t have to be together to be connected. Graphic by Abby Hoehn.
MADDY BRODERICK | CULTURE CO-EDITOR | mbroderick@butler.edu
Friendship is one of the most grounding forces in life. There is something so comforting about being with the people who truly know you, have been there through the highs and lows and can make you laugh on your hardest days. But what happens when those friends are hundreds — or even thousands — of miles away?
Long-distance friendships are complicated. They are messy, emotional and sometimes feel downright impossible. But they are also some of the most rewarding relationships you will ever have.
As someone who has navigated this kind of relationship, I know firsthand how much effort these friendships require — but also how worthwhile they can be.
My best friend — or as we like to call each other, my soulmate — is proof of that. Mia and I met when we were 11 and her family briefly moved to Glenview, Illinois, where I grew up. We had less than a year together before she moved to Albuquerque, New Mexico, but somehow, our friendship stuck. Years later, she is still the first person I turn to for just about everything — even though she is 1,172 miles away.
Maintaining long-distance friendships in college is a whole different level of hard. Between classes, homework, extracurriculars and trying to make friends around you, it’s easy to let those relationships fall to the back burner. But I have realized that the effort you put into staying close to friends far away — despite the physical distance — strengthens the bond and makes them that much more meaningful.
Now in our second year of college, Mia and I have curated a routine that works for us to stay connected despite the difference. We send TikToks that remind us of one another, Snapchat videos about our days, and when we get the chance to FaceTime, it’s good to laugh and catch up together. Yet, there is always that lingering feeling of wishing she was closer.
If you are in the same boat, you are not alone.
Many of us are juggling long-distance friendships, trying to keep those connections alive even when we are far from the people we care about most. And though it is not easy, it is important to remind yourself that the effort is worth it.
First-year kinesiology major Ana Magdalena Gomez has been navigating long-distance friendships with friends from all over the world, including Namibia, Peru and Spain.
Gomez talked about the unique ways she and her best friend from Namibia like to stay connected.
“Sending handwritten notes [is] my number one thing,” Gomez said. “The fact of having a paper that someone has touched, chosen that color to write with and put effort into is so special. You have to know who is willing to put that time in for you.”
I couldn’t agree more. Handwritten notes, small gifts or even sharing a playlist can create tangible reminders of your friendship. Another long-distance friend and I had the idea to buy journals for one another and document our lives when we are not able to be there to experience it together. On breaks, we go through the journals together, and it has added more depth and meaning to our friendship.
Senior organizational communication major Hannah Dove shared a similar appreciation for these types of personal connections. Dove is originally from Colorado Springs, Colorado, and has close-knit friendships with girls she met from various sports, classes and clubs she participated in during high school.
Dove explained how long-distance friendships are the ultimate test of knowing if a person will stick with you despite being hundreds of miles away from each other.
“If they are your real friends, they will still be around and want to talk to you and be a part of your life,” Dove said. “[My friends from home] feel more like lifelong friendships at this point, because we have proven we can stay with each other through multiple stages in our lives.”
Wholeheartedly, the people who matter most will stay, even through the challenges.
Dove also talked about how having a future date on the calendar to see a long-distance friend helps her during times when she really misses them. It provides a sense of excitement and anticipation that makes the distance feel more manageable.
“Me and my friend that goes to UTennessee are both into running, so we are going to meet in Nashville and run the Nashville half marathon in April,” Dove said. “So that is just another date on the calendar that we can work hard for on our own and then we will see each other.”
Unfortunately, setting a date to see friends living elsewhere is not possible for everyone. However, scheduling time to connect does not always have to mean planning an in-person visit. Sometimes, it is as simple as setting aside time for a phone call or FaceTime to catch up, making sure those friendships do not fade due to the distance. Mia schedules a visit each summer to Chicago, and it makes the months in between so much easier.
First-year marketing major Brandon Polk is from Texas and understands the importance of carving out time in his busy schedule for his friends back home, especially when some play on athletic teams for their schools.
“Scheduling is the main thing,” Polk said. “Two of my friends play on teams for schools, so they are up at 5 a.m.; trying to have group FaceTimes does not always work out. Sometimes people miss out, but we try our best.”
Polk’s experience highlights how balancing college life and maintaining long-distance friendships can sometimes feel like a very intricate and delicate balancing act.
His advice is simple but impactful: as long as the friendship is a two-way street, it is worth keeping.
“You get out of a relationship what you put into it,” Polk said. “If you do not make the effort to reach out to people, they are not going to reach out to you, and they are not going to want to maintain that friendship. [You have to] make the time for them and build out certain frameworks for [sustaining] those friendships.”
Ultimately, I, along with many other students, can attest that long-distance friendships require consistent effort and finding ways to adapt to the circumstances.
These friendships may take work, but they are often the ones that are the most worthwhile because they are built on mutual effort, no matter the miles in between. Whether it is through scheduling FaceTimes around busy routines or finding small, personal gestures to stay in touch, those moments of intentionality make a real impact. And when you finally do get to see each other again, you will be reminded of how far that effort has taken you.