What mysteries do these hallowed halls hold? Photo by Lauren Jindrich.
MEGAN DRAKE | OPINION COLUMNIST | email@example.com
Life is full of mysteries — our beloved campus is no exception. When walking across Butler’s campus, there are many things that are intriguing. So, I have taken it upon myself to come up with conspiracy theories to put to rest some of these silly Butler conundrums.
We all know that the hall is filled with ghosts of students who suffered through this building’s tortuous conditions and the lost spirits of students who had to quarantine due to COVID-19. However, there are lights on randomly throughout the building which makes me, and others, question what is going on in the abandoned structure. Now that Ross is no longer used for quarantining students, what reason could there be for these strange lights?
Lexi Scida, a junior music performance major, explained the only rational explanation for what is happening in Ross Hall.
“There’s a little slumber party over the weekend with all of the deans from each of the colleges,” Scida said. “But the lights are all sporadic through the building because, at the end of the night, they don’t vibe with sleeping in the same room.”
Just imagine all of the deans frolicking through Ross playing tag, hide-and-seek and duck-duck-goose. Knowing Ross is filled with the dean’s giggles every weekend makes me feel a little better that Ross is still not a B-Lot parking garage.
We all know about the pipes bursting in Jordan Hall over winter break, but was it really due to natural causes? Perhaps it was sabotage.
Gavin Arkinstall, a sophomore marketing and finance double major, talked about why someone would sabotage the lovely Jordan Hall.
“Some kid failed his GHS class his senior year and is not going to graduate, and he knows that his professor’s office is in the basement,” Arkinstall said. “And he went in [and] cut all of [the pipes] open over winter break so they burst in the hopes that [he] flooded the professor’s office.”
Failing a class is tragic and can sometimes compel us to do wild things. I guess when you wait until the last minute to get a core requirement, your only options are to retake another class or flood Jordan Hall.
The old Lambda Chi Alpha house
Rush week is a chaotic and stressful time for many. It can leave students feeling excited, but it can also leave people disappointed that they did not get a bid from the house they were hoping for.
The current use of the abandoned Lambda Chi Alpha house is something that many of us B-Lot users question regularly.
Carli Molinari, a sophomore criminology and psychology double major, talks about who might be using the old Lambda house.
“It’s those who didn’t get into Lambda with a vendetta against Lambda,” Molinari said. “If they can’t be in Lambda, they’re going to have their own secret society of anti-Lambda brothers.”
When your top pick does not want you, the only thing to do is make another fraternity in spite of them. Where else is better to do it than their old frat house? So watch out Lambda Chi Alpha, you might have some haters.
The Jordan Hall tower
The construction on the Jordan tower has been a big mystery to me recently. What is going on in there? I think it’s a Rapunzel situation and someone is locked up in the Jordan tower.
You might wonder, who could be locked up in that tower? Do you remember a particular Plum Market employee? The scary one that would yell at you when your Plum tendies were done? Well, I believe that they are being held hostage in the Jordan tower.
Arkinstall talked about why it would be a Plum employee stuck in the tower.
“If anybody would be up there, it would be [them],” Arkinstall said. “They was getting too much fame on Yik Yak.”
The construction is merely to reinforce the walls, as this employee has been carefully trying to escape this tower since they disappeared about a year ago.
Who runs the Butler affirmations page on Instagram is a question many of us ask ourselves daily. Is it multiple students, or is it just one? Well, the answer is none of the above.
Scida talks about who she thinks actually runs the affirmations page.
“James Danko is three bulldogs in a trench coat, and he runs the affirmations page on Instagram,” Scida said. “He is chronically online, and he uses the word bestie all of the time.”
He is always wandering around campus with Daisy, so it would be easy for him to take all those lovely photos of Butler. Nobody would ever expect him to be the one who runs the page, which has made it so easy for him to keep his secret for so long. But can you imagine Danko wearing a “yes to epic life, no to bad vibes” affirmations shirt while perusing the halls of his new 4 million dollar home? Because I sure as hell can.
These mysteries stem from questions we are all asking ourselves as we take a lovely walk around our campus, and it is only natural that some are put to rest. While these conspiracy theories are all made up and do not have many facts to back them up, I wholeheartedly believe in each and every one of them, and you should too.