Hanging out with friends does not make you any less independent. Photo by Chelsea Copeland.

ANNA GRITZENBACH | ASSISTANT OPINION EDITOR | agritzenbach@butler.edu  

My first brush with what I thought to be “big girl independence” was sleepaway diabetes camp between 6th and 7th grade. I had never done a sleepaway camp by myself and I wanted to keep it that way.

I was miserable for the week that I was there. I missed home. I missed my family. I missed my dogs. I just wanted my parents to come and get me. But, alas, I made it through the week, ready to return to my familiar surroundings.

When I started applying to colleges, I thought I would do well on the West Coast and also felt that I needed to place physical distance between myself and home to prove my independence — plus I was ready to escape the dreaded Midwest winter. But, I thought back to how homesick I felt at camp and decided that being that far from home wasn’t for me. 

Independence is often conflated with individualism, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to cut ties to prove your self-sufficiency. In fact, true independence is finding a balance between your root connections and forging your own path. 

I like to think of independence like trees. They can stand alone but they are much stronger when they are together in forests.

The push for 18-year-olds, as known as full-blown adults, to get out of the house as soon as possible is one of those more American norms. This culture is incredibly individualistic by a capitalist nature, which unfortunately means that people feel they must isolate themselves to stay afloat.  

Diana Fernandez Caumol, a senior psychology and art and design double major, believes that there are major differences between the cultures surrounding living on your own between her home country Bolivia and the States.  

“I come from a very collectivist culture where you live with your parents in college and even after,” Caumol said. “And that doesn’t mean that you’re a burden or a loser or whatever else … I don’t think self-sufficiency is a need to be independent or autonomous. I think, if anything, relying on others makes you stronger.”

Whether we like it or not, America is a capitalistic hellscape that pits each individual against each other to climb the corporate ladder. The money-driven mindset of individualism plagues our country. The pressure to leave the nest upon one’s 18th birthday reinforces the isolation that individual independence brings. 

This does not leave much room for people to be together while also being independent — or so society seems to think.

Josie Liebke, a first-year health sciences major, thinks that society associates being independent with individualism as well, whether it be from family or friends, you should be on your own if you want to be considered independent.

“People think independence is always having to be by yourself,” Liebke said. “You have to do everything yourself. But I don’t think that’s the case … there’s always people that can help you if you’re feeling alone, and you’re not alone.”

We seem to all use the terms ‘individual’ and ‘independent’ interchangeably. But I would argue that they mean very different things. Being individual means being on your own but being independent means not needing to rely on others but choosing to.

Society markets the concept of independence as a package. Its contents are individualism, loneliness and isolation all wrapped up with a bright red ribbon. 

Any independent person needs to have people that they can lean on for help when they choose — It’s important to build a community around you that both encourages and values you so that being alone doesn’t turn into being lonely. 

Support systems are invaluable to anyone — regardless of one’s level of self-sufficiency. These systems can be formed out of family, friends, pets, therapists or anyone else who provides you with a level of encouragement.  

My support system starts with my parents. They have always been my biggest cheerleaders and comforts in this ever-changing world. Then, my younger sister — she is there for me in more ways than she knows. And my friends, both at home and at school, who provide me with endless support and laughter. Where would I be without them?

When you move into college, people tell you that you will feel homesick from time to time, especially at the beginning. But, what they don’t tell you is that it’s okay to miss your parents when you’re twenty years old and going into your junior year. 

Ireland Crabtree, a junior psychology and criminology combined major, had a few words of wisdom to pass on to young adults who may be struggling with homesickness.

“Miss your parents. Call them … There’s nothing wrong with that at all,” Crabtree said. “You’re here to make mistakes and do things your way and find out what works for you. So it’s just really trial and error, and you should not be afraid of failing at that … Everybody’s human.”

Independence is about growing. It’s about being open to change. And most importantly it’s about learning from those around you.

“I like to think that I am a collection of everyone that I have loved in my life,” Caumol said. “I take a lot of the yapping of my mom, my partner taught me to be calmer … I have more of a sense of humor now because of my friends that I’ve met here, and even my music taste comes from a high school best friend, and I don’t think any of that means that it’s not me. I think it has made me more me. The more people that I meet and connect with, the more that I feel I can get closer to who I am.”

Let your roots grow towards one another. Don’t underestimate the power of a forest. 

And don’t forget to call your parents, they miss you too!