Cartoon by Gabbie Evans
KATHLEEN BERRY | OPINION COLUMNIST | firstname.lastname@example.org
Last week, I was having dinner with one of my editors when our conversation brought something perplexing to my attention.
“How tall were they?”
“Tall people hate being asked how tall they are,” I replied, though only partially joking.
It was not until that moment I realized while we vertically-enhanced individuals all laugh and bond over the same daily struggles, our friends of the shorter variety have no idea the daily battle we wage: tall people versus a world filled with items created for average-sized people.
How Tall Are You?!
I do not believe I am exaggerating when I say that if I had a dollar for every time I have been asked about my height out of the blue, I would have enough cash to write Butler a check for my degree right now. For the record, I am 6 feet tall.
A word of advice: if you have only exchanged a few lines of dialogue with someone, do not make a question and/or comment about their height part of your first impression. It gets old after the first decade or so of life.
I provided an example for your benefit.
“Wow! You’re tall!”
Thank you, Captain Obvious. I definitely do not own a mirror and therefore would never have been able to figure that out on my own. *eye roll*
Public Restrooms, Public Enemy No. 1
There is hardly a fixture in the common public restroom that is not half a foot too short for anyone standing at 6 feet or taller. In the interest of brevity, I will name just a few.
The doors on the restroom stalls in Jordan Hall are the first that I have seen in years that are actually tall enough to surpass the top of my head. If you have not made accidental eye contact with another human overtop a stall door or dressing room curtain, you have not truly experienced awkward silence.
Washing hands almost always requires a bending at the waist over the sink, and do not even get me started on those restrooms where the mirrors cut you off at the neck.
Perhaps the most annoying feature of any shared restroom setting are the showers. You called it; I am looking at you, Ross Hall. At just 6 feet tall, the top of my head nearly grazes the bottom of the showerhead.
I hate to imagine the contortionist’s backbend that people any taller than me have to suffer in order to rinse the shampoo out of their hair.
It is a rare occasion when a tall person finds pants just long enough, or a shirt with sleeves that hit in just the right place. Therefore, these treasured items of clothing must be protected.
They absolutely, under no circumstances, can tumble around in the dryer with the rest of the laundry. If they do, they will come out magically two sizes too short.
Air-drying it is.
A tall person holding an umbrella in any significant amount of rain is doing little more than preventing their head and shoulders from getting wet. From the chest down?
Forget about it.
I Call Shotgun!
If you do not automatically let the tallest person in the car ride in the passenger’s seat, you are the worst kind of person. While you sit up there with your ample legroom and nice view, just remember that your friend is folded up like an accordion behind you.
Their legs will most definitely cramp up, occasionally accompanied by a crick in the spine.
Your tall friends deserve better.