KATIE FREEMAN | CO-OPINION EDITOR | firstname.lastname@example.org
Something is brewing within the Lacy School of Business, and it is not just mediocre overpriced coffee.
Soon, real business experience season will be upon us — a required course for sophomore business students that involves building a business from the ground up. Instagram notifications will become flooded with follow requests from RBE accounts selling various products plastered with Butler branding. Those passing by the Starbucks gazebo must brace themselves for the ceaseless sales pitches directed their way. Could it be possible to obtain coffee without being harassed by the incessant cries of capitalism? Not likely.
How many items flaunting a bulldog’s face can one purchase before enough is enough?
In an effort inspired by former opinion columnist Andres Salerno to expand business students’ creativity beyond the realm of repurposing the bulldog logo, I would like to pitch a few more free RBE ideas.
Parking ticket dispute legal team
Have you found yourself to be the unlucky recipient of a fluorescent green ticket issued by Butler Parking Services? Worry no more — there is now a legal team of RBE students at students’ disposal to file disputes that no parking services employee could deny.
If by some chance the ticket appeal is not approved, a full refund for the cost of the service will be given — just like the professionals in the legal commercials on TV.
The caveat here is that the legal fees may cost more than the original parking ticket, but justice is truly priceless.
Fountain paddle boat rental
For those who can’t muster the gumption to go fountain jumping into the bell tower fountain, let me introduce a more elevated option: paddle-boating. Of course, these paddle boats would be swan-shaped in an effort to establish dominance over the Irwin goose and his army of brethren.
Imagine a beautiful fall day with orange and yellow leaves cascading down around you as you paddle about the fountain in a bird boat. Idyllic, right?
Disclaimer — it is riders’ responsibility to stay away from the splash zone if they do not wish to be sprayed with the water spewing out of the fountain.
Coat check company
Fishing a long black puffer coat out of a pile of 50 other long black puffer coats laying on a senior house couch is never ideal. The odds of a coat being misplaced, stolen or damaged in such a situation are high enough for some students to brave the biting nighttime air without a coat at all, even at freezing temperatures.
Luckily, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Envision this: a mobile coat-check service that provides students the confidence they need to comfortably wear their coats outdoors without fear of said coats disappearing at their destination.
No more piles of coats. Please.
Blue rental service
Okay, fine — RBE season wouldn’t be RBE season without referencing bulldogs in some way, shape or form. Let’s kick it up a notch, though.
Just rent out Blue.
Blue is unemployed — unless you count live mascot as a career — meaning that he should be available for both daily and hourly rentals, depending on your budget. For an extra fee, you can take him to class with you and watch as the gears in his bulldog brain churn while he tries to grasp statistics.
As a live mascot, he’s only one step removed from being a school pet. Why not share his slobbery joy with the student body? After all, I bet Evan Krauss would appreciate having a break.
Of course, RBE products are typically tangible goods of some sort — a color-changing cup, a keychain, a t-shirt — but I think we could harness some girl boss energy to bring services into the program as well. As to how — I don’t have a singular clue as to the logistics of these ideas. I am not a business major. I can’t even do math. I did, however, watch Meet the Robinsons a few times, and I would like to offer up its greatest advice: keep moving forward.