Setting realistic expectations for the coming year

Collegian file cartoon


It’s been a couple weeks since we’ve started school; not full weeks, but enough “trial” runs that we finally might be prepared enough for the real thing. Are you getting comfy? Adjusting to the shadow of the new business building? How’s your circadian rhythm?

There’s a lot riding on this year. You’ve got the same memories, wall décor and even books that the bookstore wouldn’t take back from last year. But honestly, this year and every new year is your oyster, full of new opportunities and absolutely riveting Core classes.

And just to make sure we are all on the same page, here are some words of wisdom, from me to you.

To the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed organic chemistry students:

Yes, the time has come for you to take that class that even your professor failed in college. You might fail your first test. Or two. But the good news is that you will single handedly keep the bookstore afloat with how many flashcards you’re going to buy, so we’ll all thank you in advance for that.

To the AV hermits:

I would say that this is the point in the semester where you should invest in two things: Heelys and a team of sled dogs. The walk is going to get really old, really fast. But here, I’ll give you a few activities to keep you occupied: you could count the days until you start seeing racoons in Pita Pit, predict how many times you’ll actually go to class when it’s snowing or figure out how to forge a realistic enough doctor’s note.

To those wanting to spend their flex dollars at C-Club:

I think it’s going to be easier if we just don’t expect it to re-open. Ever. Instead, hit up Butler’s very own bar — in ResCo. Cheers!

To the Business Kids:

The new business building will be mentioned in every speech that President James Danko makes this year. But, you’ll probably only ever see the inside of one of the two classrooms until you’re graduated and donating.

To the people looking for a parking spot:

Forget about it. I would recommend selling your left kidney on the black market, because that’s about how much it’s going to cost you. But don’t get ticketed, because then you’ll be out two kidneys.

To the “I-need-a-lot-of-sleep-or-I’m-just-not-myself” kids:

Your sleep schedule might never be the same again. Don’t worry, under-eye bags are “in” this fall semester!

We really will make it, even if you’ve been working on the same assignment for four hours and one more cup of coffee might send you over the edge. First-years, enjoy the flex dollars. Sophomores, buckle up. Juniors, find a first-year with flex dollars. And seniors, make the most of it. May your professors be nice, your books cheap, and above all your old books be taken back by the bookstore — preferably for more than a dollar.


Related posts