The seven guys you meet on Tinder

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JENNA VORIS | OPINION COLUMNIST

Match.com. OKCupid. JDate. Online dating is not a new phenomenon. In fact, meeting a potential date can be just a swipe away. Tinder is a smartphone app that allows users to swipe right to “like” a profile or left if they’re not feeling the connection. The user base, according to Time Magazine, consists primarily of 18- to 24-year-olds and has amassed more than 500 million total swipes.

With that many people playing the dating game, it’s not uncommon to run into the guy who sits next to you in chemistry, or a friend from high school. Nonetheless, most Tinder users are easy to categorize. Here are seven of the most common types of guys.

1. The Mysterious Stranger

When the picture is decent but the bio is lacking. Actually, the bio is completely absent. How is someone supposed to know the likes, dislikes, Snapchat or favorite overused pickup line of the man in the profile picture without a bio to match?

2. The “Thinks He’s Robert Frost”

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I…didn’t swipe right because, as much as I’d like to date a handsome, brooding poet, I don’t think I’ll find him on Tinder. Whether it is a song lyric, favorite quote or an excerpt from a poem off of a high school freshman’s required reading list, Frost will make an appearance somewhere in your Tinder career.

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 3.  The Middle Schooler’s Instagram Bio

Otherwise known as the “Why are there so many emojis?” This guy doesn’t feel complete without a few colorful cartoon friends in his bio. Maybe he thinks girls wouldn’t know what football was without a small picture of a ball to clue them in. Perhaps he’s really trying to drive home the fact that he works out–insert flexing-arm emoji here. When he’s not trying to revert humans back to using hieroglyphics, he’s probably busy sending texts to his potential conquests, compiled primarily of yellow heart-eyed faces and the tiny fire emoji.

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4. The “How Much Time Do You Think I Have?”

If someone’s bio is longer than two or three lines, or I actually have to scroll down from the picture in order to read random facts about them, it’s probably not going to work out. Yes, I know, they’re so interesting the typical one-liner doesn’t apply to them. But my attention span can really only handle that one, solid line.

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5. The Remington Bolt Action Rifle

Born and bred in the real heart of Indiana, this boy probably grew up hunting for his own dinner every night and skinning rabbits to make into hats. Mr. Wilderness Explorer is hard to miss. Even if he doesn’t talk about how much of a country boy he is in his bio, the profile picture featuring him in a camo jumpsuit next a bloody deer carcass will probably clue you in.

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6. The “Do You Have Spell Check?”

Abbreviating “you” to “u” or replacing the word “to” with the number is one thing. Having your Tinder bio contain no punctuation and be a paragraph full of spelling errors and grammatical mistakes is another. It doesn’t matter how attractive “u” are:  If I can’t read through your own description of yourself without feeling as though I’m deciphering ancient code, it’s an automatic swipe to the left.

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7.  The “Uses His Bio As A Resume”

I don’t know how many future employers this guy hopes to score on Tinder, but his bio seems to imply that potential matches will ask him about his work experience in their first messages. He has no problem letting you know what school he’s attending, what his major – usually double major –  is, where he works and where he’s planning on going to grad school all in one short paragraph.

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So go forth, fellow Tinder users, and swipe on.  For some, they’ll encounter guys one through seven and look the other way.  For others, it’s love at first swipe.

 

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