Women can have sex too. Graphic courtesy of Medical Daily.
ISABELLA ERNSBERGER | MARKETING MANAGER | iernsberger@butler.edu
Purity — the archaic idea that a woman’s worth and innocence lie in her sexual history or, more specifically, the lack thereof. This concept has existed for centuries and is primarily embedded in traditional Christian practices. Abstinence is preached, modest dress is encouraged and sexual promiscuity is condemned — because respect for your body as a young woman is respect for God, and respect for your body means to pretend it doesn’t exist.
Purity culture refers to the way sex and virginity are presented to girls when they start learning about sex. This usually happens in a Christian context when girls are 10 to 12 years of age when they are told that their innocence lies in virginity; purity is what they must strive for, and if they fail to preserve that purity, they dishonor themselves.
Let me preface now by saying that, although I don’t think our generation has subscribed to the idea of purity culture, I do believe that we are experiencing the lasting effects of it. This generation of women was raised by mothers and grandmothers who accepted the concept of purity — we may reject the idea of it, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t affected the way we learn about and experience sex and all things sexual.
I was first introduced to the concept of purity when I was 12 years old — back then, I planned to have my first kiss on my wedding day and was left to make sense of an oversexualized world with the previous understanding that sexuality was a sin — if your sexual liberation didn’t have a husband tied to it, you were going to hell. I have since abandoned that misunderstanding.
Emily King, a sophomore health sciences major, grew up in the Catholic tradition. King shared her early experiences in Catholic school with the topic of sex and sexuality.
“I remember our teachers coming in and talking to us all … and saying how we, as girls, have to prioritize our bodies,” King said. “I always just wondered what talks the boys in the other classroom were having.”
One of the biggest double standards there is between men and women is the one regarding sexual history. These inconsistencies begin in childhood with the way sex is talked about to and between genders. Girls are told to abstain; boys are told to not get a girl pregnant — but as long as that doesn’t happen, they can have as much sex as they want with no consequences.
Women are shamed for wanting and having sex, and men are praised for it — in fact, the more frequently men are having sex, the better. You ask a man what his “body count” is, and if it’s below two, he’s admonished. You ask a woman the same question, and if it’s above two, she’s admonished — one dollar to anyone who can justify why this is.
Ellie Howe, a sophomore entrepreneurship and innovation and international business double major, said that women are treated poorly in regard to their sexual past and present.
“I definitely do believe women get shamed for it,” Howe said. “It’s very much like, ‘Oh, you lost your virginity at this age?’ or ‘You lost your virginity to this person?’ or ‘Oh, you’re having sex with this person right now?’ And so while we’re moving past it, it still is 110% targeted towards women.”
As a woman, it is always a losing game regarding sexuality. Virginity can either mean pure and innocent or prudish and inexperienced. If you have had sex, you can be a slut, a whore or ran through — take your pick! Sex sells; virginity is a turnoff — or fetishized, there’s no in-between — and experience makes you impure and therefore dirty. Can you see what I’m getting at?
This leaves women, specifically young women, at a confusing crossroads with one sign pointing one way and one pointing another — the destination left unspecified. It’s a game of chance with no winner. It’s a dizzying mindf*ck with definitions and labels thrown at you against your will. When you tie in the idea of purity, it complicates things further because it feels as though your sexual history determines your worth as a woman, as a human being.
What people don’t seem able to wrap their heads around is that women can have sex too. Not only can they have sex, but they can also enjoy it and want it just as much as men. Shocking, I know. Howe echoed these sentiments.
“Women can want to hook up as well,” Howe said. “And I think that’s interesting because it’s all the guys who glorify hooking up, but, at the same time, women [should be able to] hook up and not feel guilty about it after.”
A woman’s desire for sex, whether casually or monogamously, is one that is real and just as valid a man’s desire for sex. Women’s pleasure should be prioritized, their bodies respected and their needs met. Sex is human nature, not something to be ashamed of.
Brooklyn Stewart, a dual degree in music therapy and vocal performance, said that in order for the attitude towards women’s sex lives to change, the conversation regarding sex in society needs to change as well.
“Nothing about our societal norm of sex is the actual norm,” Stewart said. “So we need to stop f*cking around and pretending like it is. Here’s the thing: if you’re gonna … degrade a woman for things that she’s done sexually, do the same thing to the man. Turn around to the man that she had sex with and say, ‘Nobody wants you because you’re used.’”
In order to change the conversation, we need to fix our understanding of sex and realize it entails much more than what purity culture, pornography and society portray. Stewart’s point is not that men should be shamed the same as women for having sex, but rather putting it into perspective to realize that if it doesn’t make sense to do it to men, why are we doing it to women?
Change begins in everyday conversation. Being conscious of how you talk about women, the terminology you use to describe them and holding your peers accountable is a very tangible way of fixing this issue. After all, how we speak about women determines how we view them and treat them — when our language oppresses women, our actions will, too.
