Graphic by Haley Morkert.
ABIGAIL PLUFF | OPINION COLUMNIST | firstname.lastname@example.org
Full disclosure: I am not a licensed therapist. Honestly, I am not licensed in anything whatsoever, besides to operate a motorized vehicle. I’m just a gal with lots of opinions who enjoys giving unsolicited advice to almost anyone around me. So, if this is adverse advice, you can’t sue me or my place of work. Sorry!
“Snow days don’t really exist anymore because of Zoom, and I have to admit, I’m kind of disappointed. Those random days off really kept me going in the winter, and now I just feel overwhelmed. What’s a college student to do?” — Loyal Reader
Snow day, O snow day, wherefore art thou via Zoom?
I miss the early-morning emails, the pure joy that comes from picking up my phone just to smile, roll over and fall directly back to sleep — with no plans of setting another alarm, of course. But alas, snow days may truly be dead and gone due to whatever cursed Internet waves make Zoom class possible.
Back in the days when prehistoric video call technology — ahem, Skype — made online school impossible, the knowledge that you’d have an entire day to catch up on work and sleep would get you through an otherwise-unending spring semester. Now, in a year of global anxiety and no spring break, our dear friend Snow Day is especially needed.
It can feel disappointing to have class cancelled just for it to be replaced digitally. That feeling is perfectly valid, and it’s important to acknowledge it before trying to move past it. However, once you’ve acknowledged your disappointment, there are a couple things you can do to feel a little bit better.
First, think about what usually makes a snow day feel so special to you. Is it the extra sleep, the ability to stay home in your pajamas or the allotted time to catch up on homework?
If it’s the extra sleep, make time on a Zoom day for a nap. In the time that you would usually spend trekking through the Midwestern winter terrain to class, let yourself rest. You deserve it.
Similar to the nap enthusiasts mentioned above, people that primarily use snow days to catch up on work can use their now-eliminated trek time to do homework in 15-minute increments. It might not be as satisfying as a full day of leisurely work, but it will still help you to get ahead.
For introverts everywhere, digital school has allowed us to stay home in our jammies and attend class the way we’ve always dreamed. Take full advantage of this chance. Even though we don’t have a true snow day, the way God intended, you can still avoid in-person human contact, real pants and dragging yourself out of your home.
Oh, and one last thing! Snow days are one of the only chances we have as adults-in-training to play like children without anyone judging us: make sure to take the time to play in the snow, like you would on a typical class-free snow day. No one should ever stop playing, and this is the perfect excuse.
Bundle up and take the time to make a snow angel or fling at least two snowballs at your unsuspecting roommates. It’ll help you destress, cause you to laugh and hopefully make this year feel a teensy bit more normal.
Speaking of things to help you laugh, I’ll leave you with this: an obituary for our beloved snow days and the feelings that come with them.
Snow Day, a global savior for students in need, is dead at age 200,000 bajillion.
Snow Day was deeply loved by the Butler community. Photo by Lauren Jindrich.
Snow Day, a longtime highlight of The College Experience, is fondly remembered for its joyous impact on people of all ages.
“Snow Day was always there for us,” said Abby Pluff, the writer of this article. “It was like a breath of fresh air, a motivator throughout the dark and cold winter. It will be missed.”
A celebrated community member of college towns throughout the greater Midwest, Snow Day died as a result of complications relating to Zoom Usage and the COVID-19 pandemic this winter of 2021. It was, if you’ll pardon our French, really f***ing old. We’re talking pre-dinosaurs here, people.
Snow Day, who lived in the hearts of students of all ages, was born to parents Insane Amounts of Snow and Freezing Temperatures and began its career as everyone’s favorite part of winter when higher education became widely available to the masses.
Snow Day was the sole reason for waking up in the morning for many people, and was the first ever unplanned reason for cancelling all activities.
Snow Day is survived by its arch-nemesis, Zoom University, and literally everyone else.
The visitation will be probably never, as professors, students and bosses of all ages now know how to work technology semi-reliably.
The funeral is also scheduled probably never, but will happen in small increments every time it snows more than one inch or the temperature dips below 13 degrees in every home in the upper part of the United States. The burial won’t be happening, either, as Snow Day was a bodiless phenomenon. Memorials may be sent to The Butler Collegian.
In lieu of flowers, Snow Day’s friends and family ask that professors cancel class despite being perfectly capable of having it digitally.
Snow Day, thank you for all you have done for generations of students and professors alike.
You are valuable, valid and loved, and deserve to have every day feel like a snow day,
If you have a question that you’d like to see discussed in Ask Abby, feel free to contact me via email, carrier pigeon or telepathy.