“Recently, you may have noticed an unfortunate gap in The Butler Collegian’s coverage of astrological happenings. The heavens have been on a well-deserved sabbatical and took a lovely vacation to beautiful, sunny Puerto Vallarta.”
Astrology with Aidan
“In ancient times, when the sun disappeared, people believed the gods were angry at humankind and sent a warning of imminent destruction. Current events have recently proved this ancient wisdom to be true — the end is near!”
Astrology with Aidan: March horoscopes
“At this point, I’m so sleep-deprived and delirious that I don’t know if the stars are speaking to me or if I’m just hallucinating. With that being said, this month’s horoscopes will be just as credible as always — which is to say, not at all.”
Astrology with Aidan: Valentine’s Day love predictions
“Although I don’t have concrete data on the number of happily cuffed students on Butler’s campus, if the Collegian editorial board is representative of the university’s population, it’s safe to assume that most of you are alone and miserable. Fortunately for some of you, the stars want me to let you know that true love is on the horizon.”
Astrology with Aidan: New year predictions
“This year, pretending that you know what you’re doing with absolutely no qualifications whatsoever is in. As such, since the heavens have continued to reject my invocations, I’m just gonna make something up.”
Astrology with Aidan: Halloween horrorscopes
“As spooky season reaches its zenith, you may wonder what this Halloweekend has in store for you. As luck would have it, the stars have answers for you — probably.”
Astrology with Aidan
Here are your super-duper, totally awesome semi-truthful horoscopes for the start of the Fall 2022 semester.
Senior Sendoff: The meanest girl you’ve never met
“Who I am — as off-putting as many of you may rightfully find it — is no accident and neither was my college experience. Miss me or don’t, I was still here.”
The Collegian Mini: 11/20/24
Try out the Collegian's mini crossword.
Missing papers recovered
“Dedicated readers of the print edition of The Butler Collegian may have noticed that print copies of Issue Nine — published on Wednesday, Nov. 6 — were not in newsstands around campus. Following the papers’ delivery by the Collegian’s external printing vendor at approximately 11 a.m., Collegian editors were unable to locate the papers in the afternoon for distribution.”