The hub of all business here at Butler, the Lacy School of Business. Photo courtesy of Stories.Butler. 

MADDIE WOOD | OPINION COLUMNIST | mawood1@butler.edu

If you are a Butler student, there is a strong chance you have heard of Real Business Experience, or RBE. RBE is a required course for all Lacy School of Business students. It is a way for students to create a business plan, market their business and product, finance and manage it and run a real business for actual profit. 

Many RBE groups create things like tote bags, dad hats or adorable Butler Blue plushies — all with their own Butler flair. I have to admit that these ideas are genuinely delightful, and I throw all my kudos to the business students for being able to create and sell these items. 

Now, with the good ideas being said, I, as an expert education major, have some RBE ideas that definitely could never be made, let alone sold. All of these are for the purpose of fun and entertainment, and I would like to apologize to all the hard-working business students ahead of time. 

RawDawged: Keeping BU safe one rubber at a time 

Who wouldn’t want a condom with Butler Blue IV’s face on it? Now you can show your school spirit in any activity, including horizontal ones! Butler University is very passionate about the safety of its students, and this is a surefire way to promote safety even more. 

Mitch Cary, a sophomore exploratory major and eminent business major, had some different thoughts about RawDawged and wasn’t exactly the biggest fan thinking this wasn’t the best way to show your Butler University pride. 

“There is a difference between school spirit and college activities,” Cary said. 

Personally, I disagree with Cary. College is the prime time for new experiences, but responsible experiences as well. According to a study done by collegestats.org, only 38% of students polled always use condoms. That is a pretty low number, and if we apply that percentage to our numbers, that is only 2,112 students of our total 5,559 using condoms. Perhaps if the condoms had our favorite Dawg’s face on them, then they would be used even more! 

So next time you are having a conversation with a friend, and they mention the possibility of getting some action that night, throw them a bone — no pun intended — and get them a RawDawged condom. 

Es-Scents of Butler University 

We all know them; we all smell them. There are many scents here on our beautiful campus. In pondering the manifold scents of PU — sorry, BU — I decided that the best way to awaken nostalgia in our alumni is to bring the smells to them. 

First-year marketing major Natalie Hirsch agrees that these Butler-scented candles would be a perfect gift for a grandparent or family member who used to attend BU themselves. 

“It’ll be a great thing to give somebody who is graduated [from Butler],” Hirsch said. “Here is a candle to remind you of Atherton, of all the things to humble you.”

I picture a whole collection, sold both together and separately, with Bath and Body Works vibes from the design to the labels. Of course, we keep the Butler insignias and add a Butler flair to the container just to drive the point home. 

Butler smells are a significant and vital part of the experience here. We could help alumni remember the good ol’ days and fill the air with the aromas from way back when they walked this campus as well. It could make a great Christmas gift with the holidays coming up, and I can not think of someone who would not want a candle that smells like Plum Market in their home. 

The Squirrel Grabber  

Everyone sees them scurrying around campus with no fear of the humans stomping around them. They are a staple of Butler’s campus and personally one of my favorite things this place has to offer. I know I am not alone in saying that I really, really want to catch one of those things. The embarrassing act of trying to catch one has happened way too many times to myself and my friends. We get close enough and take the slight chance of lunging out to attempt to catch one of the little guys, just for them to narrowly escape out of our grasp. 

With the Squirrel Grabber, you do not have to embarrass yourself with the task of reaching out and grabbing them. You simply grab the claw-like contraption from your backpack, with its extendable arm for your convenience, and reach out and catch one. It saves you time, energy and the potential for catching diseases!  

First-year marketing major Maddy Small also thinks that a Squirrel Grabber would benefit the people of Butler University. 

“I think that everyone should have a squirrel catcher,” Small said. “I see too many people lunging, I feel like a squirrel catcher just does it for you.”

This contraption can be great for all, and, of course, no harm is meant for these sweet creatures. It will help to satisfy the want for capturing one, and once you’ve enjoyed and savored the rush of catching, you can let it go. It can go back to the Butler University campus life it is used to living. 

BU Dryer Sheets 

I am sure we all have our own experiences with the Butler University laundry machines. Why not make the experience even more fun with Butler University-inspired dryer sheets? 

Have you ever bought dryer sheets from the Dollar Store? They’re reminiscent of wrapping paper in my mind: not exactly a dryer sheet, not exactly paper, but some mysterious third thing. That is what I picture with these dryer sheets. 

They could also be a nice way to show school spirit in a small domestic way. 

Even so, Hirsch thinks there could be a demographic outside of students who would enjoy some BU Dryer Sheets. 

“There are some people who are crazy for the Bulldog spirit,” Hirsch said. “Some parents or grandparents [could] come into town and think, ‘Oh my gosh, these are so cute.’”

There will be different designs in each pack — the infamous BU moniker, a bulldog and perhaps even Hinkle Fieldhouse itself. You can be spirited even when frustrated with the dryers that only dry about half of your clothes.

Butler Blue Crystals  

There’s definitely been a rise of crystal love in our generation, even I love to partake in some crystal healing and energy. Crystals can be used for all sorts of things. There are so many different types for so many different needs, and I am convinced that if someone makes Butler University crystals, they will sell. Any blue crystal will do — slap a white BU logo on it, and you have perfection. 

Cary seemed to support this idea and believe that the BU Crystals could be made, marketed and sold. 

“You already do have markets for [crystals] elsewhere,” Cary said. “If you do make it Butler themed, you’re going to have a Butler backing, so you’re going to have some market to sell them.”

College students will use whatever they can to pass their finals or get the motivation to finish that paper due at 11:59 p.m. Crystals from Butler University itself will definitely provide the healing properties and stress relief that we all need. You could wear one around your neck on a necklace and keep it next to your textbooks on your desk, or there could even be one that attaches to Butler Blue’s collar so he can rock the rock, too, while he walks the walk. 

So there we have it, some very bad RBE ideas that I actually genuinely ask never be made. I have to say that it was fun to try to put myself into a business brain and think of how these items would be marketed, designed and financed — all of the important aspects of making a product. 

To all Lacy School of Business students, this is my formal recognition of your hard work and appreciation for everything you have to do. It was hard enough to come up with unusable ideas, so I can only imagine how hard it is to come up with genuinely good ones. Thank you to all of you business brains out there, and all of my admiration goes to you.