It feels lonely to be far away from everything you grew to know. Photo courtesy of Geraint Rowland.

MADDIE WOOD | OPINION COLUMNIST | mawood1@butler.edu

Being away from home, to put it very simply, is difficult. You grew up in one place for so long with the people you know and love and have grown to be comfortable around. All of a sudden you have to pack it all up and go somewhere completely different. Going away to college is something many young adults do. Data from 2020 shows that 4 in 10 (43%) of students beginning college moved away from home. In fact, some happen to literally go away for this experience. 

When it came to me leaving for college just this past summer, I always wanted to come to this side of the country. Growing up in a small town called Boulder City in Nevada, I wanted to experience living somewhere that was not on the West Coast. All the schools I applied to were on the East Coast or in the Midwest. Ultimately I came to the best choice — Butler University of course — and I have to admit that being this far from home is really, really hard. 

While it has been my dream for as long as I can remember to have the “college experience” that movies and television portray, I never considered the fact that I actually have to leave my family and everything I grew to know to have it. That, as I am sure you can imagine, shocked me to my very core. 

Ashley Mendoza, a junior elementary education major, is from the West Coast as well. Coming from California she elaborated on how she still feels homesick every once in a while, even three years into being away from her home. 

“I still always get the waves of homesickness; I’m actually going through it right now,” Mendoza said. “[It’s always] towards the beginning of the semester that’s hard. There’s times where I [think] I’m acclimated, and someone will mention a place that is really well known, and everyone else will agree, and I will have no idea [what they are talking about].”

When I actually stepped foot on campus, a feeling of reality finally settled in. I wasn’t in Nevada anymore. College was here. It was real. I actually was going to be living here and eating in those dining areas and doing homework in that library. There would be people around me who, like Mendoza mentioned, would know this place so much better, and I’d be like a lost puppy. 

First-year marketing major Christopher Love expressed a feeling of missing his parents who are all the way back in Hawaii. 

“[The hardest thing is] just being away from my parents,” Love said. “I have lived with them [for so long], and being so far away from them is sort of a difficult step.”

I agree with Love; my least favorite fact that I had to face was that my dad — who was standing next to me with the biggest smile on his face and excitement in his stomach — was going to be leaving and going back home. I’m sure many students far from home far felt the same when looking at their parents as well. You would not be able to just see them on the regular. You would have to get used to seeing their face on a screen, blurry and pixelated. Not being able to give them a hug when you really need it. That was a difficult fact to face personally, and it still is. You have to grow up. You have to be an adult and do things on your own and that idea is terrifying. 

Sometimes you might catch yourself wondering why you chose to go so far. Why you decided to leave all of the people and familiar things you knew behind and commit to this terrifying step in your life. You never really think that there are many students here who experience these same feelings of hesitation and loneliness. At Butler, 55% of our students are from out of state. That is about 3,057 of our 5,559 total students. That is 3,057 students who might be feeling the exact same way you do. 

Mendoza explained how being so far away from home is difficult in itself, but it’s also hard to get back there as well. 

“You kind of get to watch your roommates go home every weekend, or get to go home for birthdays or [breaks],” Mendoza said. “That’s probably the hardest part: those big moments.”

I personally never thought about packing up and going home for a long weekend. Mendoza really opened my eyes with the thought of watching people leave with smiles on their faces because they so easily get to see their loved ones. For us far from home folk, that is not a simple task. 

With these difficulties in mind, you may be wondering why students choose to go away anyways. If it is such a hard and sad thing, why even put yourself through it? Every student has their reasons; Mendoza’s was to experience something new without hardcore commitment. 

“Typically when you move somewhere [new] you have a lease,” Mendoza said. “Here, I know I’m only going to be here for a short amount of time and [will] get to experience something that’s completely new.”

Love, on the other hand, came all the way from Hawaii for new opportunities. 

“Being from an island, there’s not [many opportunities] to [living there],” Love said. “It feels like there’s not much to do or just much opportunity outside of what you see every day. Getting out to the mainland and a new place kind of broadened my horizons.”

Even with all of these hardships, I also want to stress that it will not always be this difficult. The first few weeks are hard. You do not know many people, you don’t know the area and you have not gotten the chance to set a routine and create a new normal for yourself. However, once you get into the swing of things, it really will get better! 

You can always call home; in this day and age, it’s easier than ever to connect with far away loved ones. You can always have sentimental items that remind you of your home and make you feel closer to them as well. Personally, I have my stuffed animals that my family and friends have bought me to make me feel good — and as an 18 year old, I am very proud of my stuffed animal collection, thank you. 

While calling home and missing people is totally okay, you want to make sure that you are not spending too much time dwelling on what is back there and not here. If you spend too much time focusing on that fact, then you miss out on what is happening here around you and you will never lose that feeling of missing home. 

Keith Magnus, the director of Counseling and Consultation Services here at Butler, described how “investing” yourself too much back home is harmful to your personal investment here. 

“[Students have to try] pushing back against that urge to always call home and [not make new friends],” Magnus said. “It’s a little scary and makes you feel vulnerable, but I think Butler does a good job with the [orientation] programming for students to connect.” 

Being here feels isolating; I can absolutely attest to that. You feel like everyone has connections already and their friend groups established, and you can’t help but feel like you do not have a place here. However, when it comes to myself, I know that is not me talking. Instead, it’s the irrational side of my brain trying to trick me. All you need to do is put yourself out there and introduce yourself to new people. You have to stop investing yourself in your home life and invest more into your new life. I hope everyone who is far from home can find it in themselves to do the same.