“Don’t let your reality keep you from finding your eternal happiness, pookie.”
“At this point, I’m so sleep-deprived and delirious that I don’t know if the stars are speaking to me or if I’m just hallucinating. With that being said, this month’s horoscopes will be just as credible as always — which is to say, not at all.”
“Although I don’t have concrete data on the number of happily cuffed students on Butler’s campus, if the Collegian editorial board is representative of the university’s population, it’s safe to assume that most of you are alone and miserable. Fortunately for some of you, the stars want me to let you know that true love is on the horizon.”
“This year, pretending that you know what you’re doing with absolutely no qualifications whatsoever is in. As such, since the heavens have continued to reject my invocations, I’m just gonna make something up.”
Here are your super-duper, totally awesome semi-truthful horoscopes for the start of the Fall 2022 semester.
Here are your totally, 100% certifiably accurate horoscopes for October.
With a week of sheltering in place left on campus, cabin fever might be setting in. Here’s what the stars have to say about how to handle it.
The answers are in the stars.
The Collegian’s Starmasters provide advice, consolation, and predictions for Butler students as they approach the end of the semester.