“Recently, you may have noticed an unfortunate gap in The Butler Collegian’s coverage of astrological happenings. The heavens have been on a well-deserved sabbatical and took a lovely vacation to beautiful, sunny Puerto Vallarta.”
Astrology with Aidan: March horoscopes
“At this point, I’m so sleep-deprived and delirious that I don’t know if the stars are speaking to me or if I’m just hallucinating. With that being said, this month’s horoscopes will be just as credible as always — which is to say, not at all.”
Astrology with Aidan: Valentine’s Day love predictions
“Although I don’t have concrete data on the number of happily cuffed students on Butler’s campus, if the Collegian editorial board is representative of the university’s population, it’s safe to assume that most of you are alone and miserable. Fortunately for some of you, the stars want me to let you know that true love is on the horizon.”
Astrology with Aidan: New year predictions
“This year, pretending that you know what you’re doing with absolutely no qualifications whatsoever is in. As such, since the heavens have continued to reject my invocations, I’m just gonna make something up.”
Astrology with Aidan: Halloween horrorscopes
“As spooky season reaches its zenith, you may wonder what this Halloweekend has in store for you. As luck would have it, the stars have answers for you — probably.”