Which Butler cliche are you?

The hose dangling from the ceiling in Jordan Hall. Also one of the many Butler cliches you could be. Photo by Adam Cvik

JENNA VORIS | PHOTO EDITOR | jmvoris1@butler.edu

Butler’s admission website loves to brag.

We’re among the top schools in the country. Our undergraduate programs lead to guaranteed success. We provide the best possible education experience. I’ve lost track of how many times I heard a professor boast about placement rates and still have to suppress rolling my eyes when they bring up our top-rated internship program.

Sure, those phrases are cliches, but they are also part of life at Butler. Fortunately — or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it — this university has no shortage of cliches and campus staples. The only question is, which one are you?

 

Construction

You might be construction if you have ever used the words “juice cleanse” and “soul cycle” in everyday conversation while simultaneously downing a venti java chip frappuccino. You’re constantly trying to better yourself, jumping from gym membership to yoga studio faster than you can say “Pure Barre” but never actually manage to follow through on any of your huge, life-altering promises. You exclusively shop at Whole Foods but only because they started selling Mochi and, after six months, you’ll leave your friends wondering if anything you did was actually worth it.

To them, you look the same as when you started.

 

The Jordan Hose

You’re the friend that’s always just… there. No one really knows what you do or why no one has asked you to move out of the Jordan Hall stairway yet, but your friends have come to accept all of your weird quirks. Like dripping dirty water into a giant garbage can. You don’t really serve a purpose, but would your friends miss you if you decided to get it together and move out?

They probably wouldn’t even notice.

 

Football Practice at 6 a.m.

You’re awake, you’re ready to go, and you don’t care who knows it! It doesn’t matter how much — or how little — sleep you got the night before. You’ve never really been able to stay in bed past the crack of dawn. Why would you? There’s so much to do and nowhere near enough time to do it. Unfortunately for your friends, the word “quiet” is not in your vocabulary. Not only do you wake up before the sun, you want everyone to join you. While they’re pulling a pillow over their head and wondering why they ever agreed to live with you, you’re busy bustling around the kitchen, blending up a breakfast smoothie and blasting “Despacito.”

 

The Jordan Printers That Never Work

You’re hardworking, dedicated and always prepared… until the moment someone needs you. Then you decide that it’s the perfect time to take a nap. Some might call you a flake, but that’s not necessarily true. You just don’t like dealing with frantic people who have 1,000 requests and a very short amount of patience. Even so, your friends have stopped counting on you to come to weekly trivia games and always tell you events start 10 minutes before they actually do just so you’ll be on time.

 

That One Pothole On Sunset They Tried To Fix With A Cone

Your life is a disaster, and no one knows it better than you. Despite your best efforts to hold it together, the 18 credit hours, extracurriculars and the overwhelming fear you’ll never be able to pay back the $200,000 dollars worth of debt Butler saddled you with has started to take its toll. But you’re not about to let the whole world know.

Who cares if you only slept two hours last night? You’re going to throw on some dark lipstick, pretend the bags under your eyes are Gucci and keep trying to do your job.

 

No Parking Spots

Would you call yourself a sellout? No. Would your closest friends? Absolutely, 100 percent, any day of the week. You’re ambitious, cunning and manipulative —  the Slytherin of Butler cliches. You’re more than willing to leave your friends outside in the cold if that means a comfortable, first floor parking spot for all of your business partners or potential investors.

So, while the rest of campus makes their way to the top of the garage or circles campus for 15 minutes, praying for a meter, you’re relaxing in your reserved spot in front of Jordan Hall.

Hey, it’s just business, right?

 

The Community of Care

You have a heart and soul of gold and want nothing more than to help all of your friends succeed. The only problem? You’re so nice that it’s easy for others to take advantage of you. The administration loves to flaunt your talent during Welcome Week, and you’re more than happy to participate. Sure, you’re the butt of a few, cynical jokes but you’re also the centerpiece of attention at new-student orientations. You’re splashed across Twitter and t-shirts alike. With the administration to back you up, you’re ready for anything.

Until you try to ask them about the disappearance of victim advocates and cheerleading coaches. Until you try to hold them accountable or encourage them to be transparent with the student body. Until you want them to advocate for the victims of sexual assault. Then it’s like no one remembers that you exist.

 

So, Butler students, next time you hear an overused phrase or pass that same, pothole-ridden street don’t dismiss it. The cliches and the stereotypes on our campus are just as unique as our student body.

And they all make our experience on campus one of a kind.

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3 Comments

  1. anon said:

    Why is this necessary to write?? I am tired of the Collegian being anti-Butler. People are sick of it. Change!

    • AJ said:

      If Butler changes for the better they won’t need to make articles about what’s wrong with the campus.

    • No said:

      What people? I love it. This isn’t even anti-Butler. I thought you had to be smart to go here

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