Photo courtesy of Julian Cirnigliaro.
JULIAN CIRNIGLIARO | OPINION COLUMNIST | firstname.lastname@example.org
I was wracking my brain trying to come up with an annoying play on words for this week’s review, but nothing was coming up that did not make me want to throw up. But you know what also makes me want to hurl? Atherton Union’s hamburger meat. Let’s get into why you should be getting your burgers at ResCo instead.
I went down to A-Town on Sept. 18 eager to consume, my maw ready to intake nutrients, and my mind uneasy, believing that I’m about to eat a highschool-quality hamburger due to rumors overheard and mental images of days past. I don’t know about the rest of the student body, but my highschool burger patties were drier than sand, which only served to perpetuate the drought that is my mouth. Unfortunately, my preconceptions were founded.
What I was served was a piece of relatively dry meat between two pieces of bread. The condiments and extras, like pickles and lettuce, are off to the side where you can add them yourself. While the thought of knowing exactly what’s in my burger is appealing, the little effort of doing it myself after a day of classes makes it feel like a monumental chore.
It’s verifiable that the holy trinity of burger-wich bread is sourdough, pretzel, and brioche. Of the many things AU does poorly with its burgers, bread is an exception. I love brioche buns.
It’s too bad the bread is basically all I eat when I go to AU for a burger, though, because the rest of the meal is air and a bacon-strip-thin piece of meat. It doesn’t help that the meat is void of juice, just like the occasional soda machine in the same cafeteria. I’ll even admit that ResCo has this machine problem with its soda carbonation — but at least they can make a good burger.
While ResCo’s burgers are not as customizable as AU’s, due to the lack of a condiment and extras bar, they do come off the grill hot, before your very eyes. For the sake of this review, and my overall health, I only tried the Bulldog Burger from ResCo’s menu. Sporting a juiced-up patty, smooth mushrooms, BBQ sauce, swiss cheese and dual brioche buns, the Bulldog has everything that an AU burger lacks. Also, being able to feel the heat from my food is a luxury I’m unable to experience with an AU burger.
Overall, ResCo gets an eight and AU gets a six out of 10.