October horoscope advice

Photo courtesy of ABC.

ANDRES SALERNO | OPINION COLUMNIST | asalern1@butler.edu

MADELEINE LUCCHETTI | ASST. OPINION EDITOR | mlucchet@butler.edu

In the mystical and mysterious mountains where all back-page astrologists are trained, opinion columnists Andres Salerno and Madeleine Lucchetti have worked for years to perfect the craft of astrology writing. After much research, star-protracting, essential reading, and opening fortune cookies…they gave up and attached a sign to someone they knew and then made fun of them. We present to you: Butler Collegian’s October Horoscopes!  

Aries

The difference between sports at the Division I and club levels is much more significant than you are making it out to be. Stop confusing everyone by identifying as a student athlete; no one is doing your laundry for you.

Taurus

You’re the peer reviewer from hell. Cut your classmates some grammatical slack and look at their bigger picture. Put down the Doubleshot. Take a yoga class.

Gemini

It’s getting cold out, and nothing will stop you from donning your leather jacket and vibing to the same indie playlists you made when you were 15. Your time is now.

Cancer

This week, try to be respectful of your spacey professors. We know you know you’re smarter than them and all…

Leo

Your emo bitterness is on-brand with the #spookyszn, so live it up until the November vibe of gratefulness ruins the mood.

Virgo

There’s more to life than your Lilly Pulitzer planner. Take time to look up while recopying your notes in calligraphy.

Libra

Please vote. C’mon. “I’m not political” is just not an excuse anymore.You’re the one skewing millennial statistics. Ask a Scorpio to educate you.

Scorpio

Stop sharing poorly-written political articles on Twitter. Love the passion — but it’s misguided. It takes more than 140 characters to explain the midterms.

Sagittarius

Cuffing season is upon us, and you’ll be tempted to flip through your Rolodex of broken hearts and select a poor soul to hold you over. There’s no stopping you, but at the very least tell your partner their position is merely temporary.

Capricorn

Break a rule. Just one! Go to bed past midnight. Jaywalk. Live a little. Don’t go upsetting BUPD, though. Scooter DUIs are a real thing. On second thought, maybe just stay inside.

Aquarius

As the magic of fall envelops us all, try to remember our Indiana limestone doesn’t actually remind anyone else of Hogwarts. Those glasses are too big for your face. Take a break from the striped scarves.

Pisces  

Stress is not a personality trait, regardless of how many titles are in your Outlook signature. Take care of yourself and start bringing a comfort blanket to your study dungeon; you’ll get through this.

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