A student’s college experience is a time of change and various experiences: moving from home to a brand new environment, getting involved in numerous activities, meeting new people every day and so much more.
College is an overwhelming season of life — but what if you are grieving a significant loss on top of everything else?
By itself, the devastation of a lost loved one makes living incredibly difficult. Feelings of crushing sadness, anger, fear and loneliness are emotions commonly experienced by those grieving; these emotions become harder to navigate on an active and bustling college campus.
Sophomore PP2 pharmacy major Peyton Kalka lost her grandmother this past spring.
In juxtaposition with her friends wanting to go out and partake in various activities when she returned to campus, Kalka remembers feeling isolated and alienated because of her grief.
“All my friends were telling me, ‘Let’s go do this, and this, and this,’” Kalka said. “But I [would have to tell them], ‘I can’t right now.’ I was super sad and upset about what happened, I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to lay in bed, I wanted to talk to my grandma. I just felt alone.”
Junior special education major Mazy Reader lost her father in the fall of her first year, then lost her stepmother the following spring. She struggled to feel supported while away from family and loved ones during such a devastating time.
“My mom and sister [are] my big support system,” Reader said. “I live an hour and a half away from them, so having that big of a loss while still having to be around people that don’t understand me was very hard.”
Social life is only one part of the impossible jigsaw puzzle navigating grief on a college campus entails.
Emma Norton, a junior anthropology and art and design double major, lost her father less than two months ago. During the first few weeks of the semester, she has found it difficult to focus on her academics while in the depths of grief.
“I’ve been having issues getting back into school and focusing,” Norton said. “If I get really overwhelmed I [have no desire] to go to class.”
Kalka had a similar experience returning to schoolwork after the loss of her grandmother.
“I had to basically force myself to focus and try to get good grades, which was really hard because my grandma was my person,” Kalka said. “For her not to be there was so hard for me, especially [with her passing having] been that recent.”
The emotional turmoil that grief brings can be hard to describe or understand. Nonetheless, the feelings are extremely real and devastating to live through. Many grieving individuals agree with the phrase, “grief doesn’t grow smaller, you simply grow around it,” meaning the pain of a significant loss doesn’t ever fade away, only your lived experiences makes room for a sort of “cushion” around the grief.
“At the beginning, it was really hard because [I thought], ‘How am I supposed to manage all of this while going through something so significant?’” Reader said.
One of the hardest aspects of suffering a loss while at college is living amongst numerous people who don’t understand the complexities that come with grief. The handling of grief is a tricky subject: those who haven’t experienced grief don’t know what it is like, and it is nearly impossible to understand unless you have actually lived through it.
“I’m the same person, I’m just going through my own set of problems,” Norton said. “If anything, I don’t want anyone to act any differently towards me.”
It is important to remember that everyone navigates grief in a different way. Reader explained how those who are unfamiliar with grief can support those going through a tough loss.
“Just be sensitive to the topic and understand that we all have different experiences,” Reader said.
A week before moving into Butler, I unexpectedly lost my mother. I can attest to how incredibly challenging it is to juggle all the emotions that come with existing as a college student while grieving so deeply. Two years later, I still have incredibly hard days and I often find myself feeling misunderstood and having “I just need my mom” moments.
Every single student on a college campus has lived through different experiences — sometimes a person is open, but others may struggle in silence. Kindness is an important virtue to carry, because you may never know someone is living their college years through the waves of grief.